*Disclaimer: I am not writing to air my baby's dirty laundry.
I thought long and hard about whether I wanted to share anything or not,
but decided that I needed some help and so would become vulnerable and share my heart*
Anyways, the details: anytime things did not go exactly the way Kara wanted them to go, she started to yell at us. Then I would pick her up to go to her room and she started to scream and kick. I would put her on her bed and tell her that when she was ready to stop fussing, she could come back. I closed the door and all hell would break loose. She screamed. She flailed. She threw stuff. She yelled that she didn't like us, or that she didn't care about anything, or that she never wanted to come out. What?! How is it possible that she is 3 years old and she is saying the things I imagine a 13 year old to say?
It broke my heart. I shed more tears this week than I have in awhile. Because this behaviour wasn't just a one time occurrence, it was multiple times a day, every day of the week. It was horrible.
Truth be told, what I wanted to do was spank her. But not just spank her. I wanted to shake some sense into her. I wanted to scream "what the hell are you doing?" "why are you acting this way" "where is my little girl that is so lovely to me?" I thought long and hard about physical punishment. But what I came to realize was that that would have been the easy thing to do. To just spank her every time she acted out was an easy solution for me, but would likely not change her behaviour. And it certainly wouldn't be an easy solution for her little bottom.
And so I prayed. I asked for wisdom. I begged for patience. I pleaded for grace. And then I worked harder at each of those things than I ever have ... EVER. Really. It was so hard! To repeatedly pick her up, hug her hard, carry her to her room, lovingly put her on her bed and patiently tell her that I loved her but that her behaviour wasn't acceptable. Then I would turn and go out, closing her door and take an enormous breath while I listened to her cry, kick, scream etc. But eventually, she stopped. And then I would hear "Mom, I'm ready to come out now". And I went in and sat on her bed. I listened while she apologized for her behaviour and I forgave her and hugged her and loved her. And we would have peace for a few minutes or a few hours and then we would do it all over again! I don't know if it got easier or harder the more times it happened. But slowly, as the week went on, it got better. Every day had fewer times of crises. And now today, the Lord's Day, has actually been quite peaceful - thank you God.
I don't know if something happened to start the behaviour. I don't know what might have changed in her mind. I don't know if anything has changed in our house. But I do take responsibility for much of her reactions. How many times, when things haven't gone my way, have I yelled and screamed (mostly at Curtis and sadly sometimes in front of my kids), or gone into my room in a huge snit and slammed the door? How often have I thrown an adult tantrum to get my own way. Boy, this is embarrassing, but I know it to be true.
Oh God, forgive me.
It's amazing how what starts as a story about my daughter's "sin" becomes a story of my own. I want to be a good parent. No, I want to be a great parent. But man, I've got a lot of crap in my own life that I have to deal with. God, give me strength and patience - not only to deal with my children, but also to deal with myself.
I started blogging thinking that I would ask some advice - and I still want to do that. How do you deal with your child who is throwing a fit? Is it the same way every time or is each situation unique? Do they know the consequences ahead of time? Do you have the same rules for each child? Help .... please :)
