This is the hardest thing I have ever done

We just finished what has been the MOST difficult week in Kara's young life.  I know that sounds really extreme to say, but it's true.  It's almost like 2012 hit and Kara's resolution was to become the most difficult, defiant, disobedient little girl she has ever been!  We have never seen anything like it in her.

*Disclaimer:  I am not writing to air my baby's dirty laundry.  

I thought long and hard about whether I wanted to share anything or not, 

but decided that I needed some help and so would become vulnerable and share my heart*

Anyways, the details:  anytime things did not go exactly the way Kara wanted them to go, she started to yell at us.  Then I would pick her up to go to her room and she started to scream and kick.  I would put her on her bed and tell her that when she was ready to stop fussing, she could come back.  I closed the door and all hell would break loose.  She screamed.  She flailed.  She threw stuff.  She yelled that she didn't like us, or that she didn't care about anything, or that she never wanted to come out.  What?!  How is it possible that she is 3 years old and she is saying the things I imagine a 13 year old to say?  

It broke my heart.  I shed more tears this week than I have in awhile.  Because this behaviour wasn't just a one time occurrence, it was multiple times a day, every day of the week.  It was horrible.

Truth be told, what I wanted to do was spank her.  But not just spank her.  I wanted to shake some sense into her.  I wanted to scream "what the hell are you doing?"  "why are you acting this way"  "where is my little girl that is so lovely to me?"  I thought long and hard about physical punishment.  But what I came to realize was that that would have been the easy thing to do.  To just spank her every time she acted out was an easy solution for me, but would likely not change her behaviour.  And it certainly wouldn't be an easy solution for her little bottom.  

And so I prayed.  I asked for wisdom.  I begged for patience.  I pleaded for grace.  And then I worked harder at each of those things than I ever have ... EVER.  Really.  It was so hard!  To repeatedly pick her up, hug her hard, carry her to her room, lovingly put her on her bed and patiently tell her that I loved her but that her behaviour wasn't acceptable.  Then I would turn and go out, closing her door and take an enormous breath while I listened to her cry, kick, scream etc.  But eventually, she stopped.  And then I would hear "Mom, I'm ready to come out now".  And I went in and sat on her bed.  I listened while she apologized for her behaviour and I forgave her and hugged her and loved her.  And we would have peace for a few minutes or a few hours and then we would do it all over again!  I don't know if it got easier or harder the more times it happened.  But slowly, as the week went on, it got better.  Every day had fewer times of crises.  And now today, the Lord's Day, has actually been quite peaceful - thank you God.

I don't know if something happened to start the behaviour.  I don't know what might have changed in her mind.  I don't know if anything has changed in our house.  But I do take responsibility for much of her reactions.  How many times, when things haven't gone my way, have I yelled and screamed (mostly at Curtis and sadly sometimes in front of my kids), or gone into my room in a huge snit and slammed the door?  How often have I thrown an adult tantrum to get my own way.  Boy, this is embarrassing, but I know it to be true.  

Oh God, forgive me.

It's amazing how what starts as a story about my daughter's "sin" becomes a story of my own.  I want to be a good parent.  No, I want to be a great parent.  But man, I've got a lot of crap in my own life that I have to deal with.  God, give me strength and patience - not only to deal with my children, but also to deal with myself.  

I started blogging thinking that I would ask some advice - and I still want to do that.  How do you deal with your child who is throwing a fit?  Is it the same way every time or is each situation unique?  Do they know the consequences ahead of time?  Do you have the same rules for each child?  Help .... please :)

Life on a schedule?

I've been considering putting the kids and I on a schedule.  If you know me well, you're thinking "I thought those kids were already pretty scheduled!"  True enough.  I'm a schedule person - I can't seem to help myself.  I like to know what's coming up and what to look forward to.  I'm sure it's leftovers from my teaching days, but I need order!!
Anyways, back to what I was saying ... I'm thinking a weekly schedule kind of an idea.  I haven't done a lot of this yet and I find that the days stretch out ahead of me and all blend together and I find I don't enjoy them when they are all the same.  Wake up - eat breakfast - get cleaned up - play - lunch - clean up etc etc
So our weeks would be relatively the same, but with lots of wiggle-room.  We might have bible study on Tuesdays, gymnastics on Thursdays, arts&crafts on Saturdays, playdates on Fridays ...
So here's my question: is this ridiculous?  Or does everybody do this?  Do I just need to relax or should we just do what works for us?  Any parents of toddlers out there with some input?!

Pumpkin White Chocolate Chip Cookies

I made some of these the other day.  Oh man, are they ever good.  And I have no idea why I made them because I am really trying hard to watch what I eat.  (And by that I mean I let myself eat one a day rather than one dozen a day!)  But I seem to have this crazy obsession with pumpkin in the fall and I want to use it in everything!  I've also made pumpkin spice muffins and I'm going to make pumpkin cornbread to go with chili over the weekend.  Anyways, if you're interested, here's the link:

http://tastykitchen.com/blog/2011/10/white-chocolate-pumpkin-spice-cookies/

You won't regret it.  Well, maybe you will :)

Kara turns three!

This morning we had our purple party extravaganza to celebrate Kara turning "fee".

We all wore purple clothes:

Curtis wanted to know why we invited Katy Perry, but I know he thought it was hot :)

We ate purple food:

Lunch was hamburgers in purple buns, purple french fries, purple milkshakes and purple cupcakes to top it all off!

Our friends even got in on the theme and bought Kara some beautiful purple gifts!  We bought Kara her own cooking tools and I made her a purple apron.  She was thrilled!

In all, a great purple success.  I can hardly believe we have been blessed with this girl for three years.  Where does the time go?  So thankful for her in our lives.

Finally ...

I've been trying to figure out why I have been avoiding this blog like the plague!  And I think (after weeks of serious contemplation!) that I was dreading it because it has been so long since I've written anything.  It felt like I would have to go back to where I left off and update everyone on exactly what we've been doing for 3 1/2 months!  And that was a project that I just couldn't manage the thought of.  So instead, I will just pick up from today and pretend like I never missed a beat.  And that way I will start writing again, and it won't seem so daunting, and you can stop hassling me to write something (you know who you are!!).

I did want to tell you about one big milestone that we hit in the last few months.  My son turned one.  We had a lovely lego party with some friends in town to celebrate his big day.

I have a lot of fun coming up with birthday party themes and ideas.  Kara's birthday party is tomorrow and she has chosen to have a purple party.  At first I thought that would be a dud, but it's actually great and there are tons of things we are going to do with the purple theme.  I promise, pictures of that party to follow (probably tomorrow) and not in 3 months :)

Jonas on the move ... sort of

Jonas will be 10 months old at the end of June but he is still not crawling.  You've got to feel a bit sorry from him because he's had absolutely no help from us.  I remember when Kara was starting to move around, I would get on the floor with her and help her arms and legs to move the right way and I would crawl for her to show her how it was done.

Kara in June 2009

But Jonas gets none of that.  When I see him starting to rock on his hands and knees I think "oh no, he's almost crawling!"  And that means a whole lot more work for me!!
But even though he's not officially crawling, he is moving around.  He has figured out how to push himself around on his tummy on the slide-y hardwood floors.  He pushes himself backwards and then finds himself stuck under furniture because he couldn't see where he was going.

If we could get him to go forwards instead, he would mop up his drool puddles as he goes, but because he goes backwards, there is a lovely little slug trail to show us where he has gone!

And finally, he has been doing lots of acrobats in his crib lately too because we've been finding him in all sorts of strange positions when we go to get him.  After his morning nap today, this is how I found him.  I was wondering why he was fussing so much in there!

Jonas sitting facing the corner of his crib, one arm out of his sleepsack, hunched over his stuffed bear, sound asleep.

Cookies please

So I've tried my absolute hardest to prevent Kara from having the same sweet tooth that Curtis has ... but I think I need to suck in my pride and admit defeat ... even if not gracefully.

Today Kara woke up from her nap and asked for a cookie for her snack.  I told her that she could have some watermelon first and that if she was still hungry, she could have a cookie.  Well, she wolfed the watermelon down and then said she was ready for her cookie.  I reminded her she could only have one.  And then the conversation went like this:

Kara:  I think I should have two puz I'm two Mom.

Me:  No Kara, only one.

Kara:  Dad, my friend, could I have two cookies please?!

I'm absolutely sure that if I had not been home, she could probably have had as many cookies as she wanted because she knows how to work her dad.  But thankfully, I was here.  

And as my heart nearly burst with the joy and laughter of her lovely two-ness, I handed her 1 1/2 cookies :)